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Don’t Get Hooked

Do you ever find yourself ‘hooked’ on someone else?  I don’t mean hooked as in, Hooked on a Feeling or Hooked on You.  What I mean is that someone has pushed your buttons or got your goat.

It happened to me.  I had an individual who worked for me as a team lead.  I had been flattered because he took two classes of mine.  That was enough for me to think I could coach or mentor him into being a successful PM.  The coaching style was familiar to me (link to coaching style).  I had the hubris to think that I could coach him into being a winning team lead.  He had hooked me.

The problem with getting hooked is that we lose perspective.  We don’t clearly see the other person.  We don’t see their warts and hangups.  We forget about the basics like accountability and expectations.

In another case, I had a team lead that worked for me.  She was a good team leader but she had some interpersonal issues that made her difficult for me to manage and hard for her peers to get along.  I can remember wanting to be liked by her, and that stopped me from effectively leading her.  Whether or not she knew it, I was not effective because I was wanting to be liked more than I wanted to be effective.  This is another inspirational leadership style called affiliative.

Are you getting hooked by other people?  Here are some questions you can ask to determine if you getting hooked and lacking effectiveness.

  1. Do you have someone on your team that you tip toe around, or that you feel afraid to be direct with.
  2. Do you find yourself sad because others don’t seem to like you?
  3. Are you more concerned with being liked than getting the job done?
  4. Do you keep short accounts?
  5. Do you make allowances for people because either they are too invaluable to the team, they cannot be lost, or they are pretty much effective in other areas.
  6. Do you have people you are leading that you are scared of.